Tuesday, May 16, 2017

End of My First Year of College: Thoughts, Feelings, & Other Shit

Wow. Long time no see.

Actually, reaaaaaally long time no see I should more appropriately say. It's been a while. I apologize truly, deeply, immensely. College is crazy and stressful and a whirlwind, and as I sit here thinking about my first year I cannot believe it's gone. I envision my freshly unpacked and organized dorm room back in August with bleary eyed parents and a heart bursting in unknowns and excitement, and I blinked and suddenly it was May, and I was staring at a haphazardly packed dorm room grown with new things and new memories.

I'm back home sitting in what was once my room longing for my other home. College is weird like that I suppose — my heart is split among an entirely new city and a group of people I have shared an amazingly wild and adventurous year with. I miss my people here though — my friends that I shared 18 years with, my parents and other adults who feel like my parents, these people who made me the person that was sent to college. Old with new, new with old. It's weird, and I am embracing it.

A picture of my beautiful school. 
My year of college was a lot of what I hoped it would be, some of it not so much, and other aspects were far beyond what I could have imagined. I'm not going to lie, first semester was weird. Not necessarily bad, but weird. I really hope others don't feel alone on this front — that first semester (and for many that first year) is awkward as you try to find the puzzle that fits your pieces.

I felt alone at times and yet utterly loved in others. By the beginning of second semester that conglomerate of feelings blended into a much better, stronger me. I found my home in an amazing organization at my University, and as cliche as this sounds, my heart feels one beat away from bursting as I begin to think about the people who accepted me into the puzzles of their lives, slowly first semester and then everything fell into place second semester. Long story short, don't feel discouraged, don't feel like you're the only one who feels alone. Eventually, you'll find your place — your puzzle.

Don't be scared to try something that you have utterly no idea how to do because odds are you will try something and realize that those who have been there all four years also have utterly no idea what to do, but they have just a smidge of a better idea than you and will pass on what they know.

Clutch onto your academics and love them. Even the most boring and uninteresting classes will find some way to bring relevance into your life. In high school, I felt like I was there because I had to be — I made good grades and got shit done, but I didn't feel engrossed in what I was learning. College is a whole different world, and I can't stress enough trying to find love in what you're learning. Take classes that are in your major, take classes that have no relevance to your major — G R O W. Make a bomb ass studying playlist, brew yourself some nice coffee/tea, and really learn the material and kill your papers like you were born to write them.

I get a lot of satisfaction in my grades which is a true double edged sword. It makes me take great pride in my academics, but also can really bring me down when things don't turn out as anticipated, so although this might be contradicting to my previous advice: take everything with a grain of salt. Take criticism and learn from it, but also don't be afraid to just completely ignore some things. There is no straight answer to most things in life and in many cases within this world no one way is completely right and no one way is completely wrong.

Don't let every bad thing bring you down. Drink a margarita and forget about things when need be. Cry often and sometimes with friends. Try to choose school over Netflix, but don't feel guilty when you occasionally do the opposite. Tell everyone you love them, and hug more often than not. Listen to your friends' music choices and blend them with your own. Also, don't blink a lot because an entire year of your life might pass by.

Have a fabulous day my friends (if you're still here).